With unbelievably hot fucking like this, it’s hard to believe that old-timey soda shops have become such a rarity in modern day society. Maybe if there were clones of Briana Banks in every single one, next to the gumball machines and lime rickeys, they would continue being a fixture in American culture to this day, along with drive-in movies and women not having the right to vote. Sorry you have to look at Bobby Vitale. [SpankWire]

Briana Banks is all class in this clip. How can you pick a classy broad out of a crowd? It’s easy. Look for the girl who is demurely sipping wine, and wearing an elegant black dress. Sometimes, and only sometimes, she will also have massive fake tits, a pierced tongue, and will try and choke herself as she impales her throat on your dick, but it’s pretty rare. [SpankWire]

I don’t typically go in for videos that are filmed either outdoors OR on the bow of a ship, because I can’t really put myself in the male performer’s shoes. For one, I don’t really enjoy having sex outside, and two, I will never own a boat. But a fella can dream. [Megarotic]

For crying out loud, black latex and rubber hardly seems like the right choice when you are spending some time beside a roaring fire. Can you imagine how outrageoulsy hot that would be? You’d never be able to get those outfits off. Suspend your disbelief for a moment, though, and enjoy Briana Banks being the dirty little submissive you know she is. [SpankWire]

After prancing around the living room licking the bannister in a glistening latex catsuit, Briana changes into a much more cozy-looking cut-off short and tiny tank top outfit to go to town with some serious rutting. I feel the need to remind you of a few things, as I attempt to make a list in my mind of the reasons I can’t get enough of Briana Banks:

1. Briana’s legs are 36 godamned inches long. True, she is severly lacking in the ass department, but those legs are ridiculously fun to look at. And when she dons a pair of 6″ tall stripper platform shoes, bringing her to 42″ inches total? If you climbed those legs, you would find a giant and a goose that lays golden eggs.

2. Her growly-sneery thing she does with her mouth. Check out around 2:51 to see what I’m talking about.

3. The complete truth that she is kind of a fucking dope. To see what I mean, simply refer to any spoken dialogue in any scene.

To make this a more balanced, even-handed post, I would also like to assemble a list of the things I DON’T like about Briana Banks:

1. That in almost all of her scenes, she has sex almost exclusively with Bobby Vitale, a guy with an oddly dark-colored dick who looks like he can’t wait to slip a date-rape drug into your drink.

2. That she was the pioneer of that very specific type of blowjob where the female performer almost chokes and makes me concerned for their welfare. [RedTube]

Briana Banks is fantastic in this, one of her earlier scenes. She teams up with farmboy Dale Dabone (which may just be one of the best male pornstar names, ever) to get busy in a pile of hay in the barn. And how do you know this is an honest to goodness, working farm? Don’t miss the moment where Briana pours fresh milk all over those unbelievably perfect tits of hers. It’s enough to make you quit school and go shovel shit for a living. [SpankWire]

Briana is at her sneery, snarly best in this clip, writhing around on the hood of a vintage truck. She looks fantastic when she’s got her tank top all hiked up. The only downside, is that this clip comes from the era where Briana was pretty much only exclusively fucking Bobby Vitale, a shortcocked little fella who looks like he might live in a nest burrowed deep underground, presumably because they were dating at the time. Thankfully, they broke up in 2006, so you won’t have to spend any more time imagining Bobby Vitale doing his hair with a tub of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter in the morning. [RedTube]

The way this video is shortened and edited, it’s tough to say exactly what kind of group meeting is taking place, here. But it’s gotta be something pretty bad, like The International Society of Baby Thrower-Awayers, or The Secret Society of People Who Shoot Their Children, because you have got to be pretty darned jaded and sad to let Briana Banks fuck right in front of you, and not have any reaction at all. [SpankWire]

It is undoubtedly Briana’s breasts that have gotten her the most attention. But it’s precisely those tits that are so troubling. Look, when you have Briana’s thin, wiry frame and those tits, something is definitely wrong. If she had been born that way, you would label her as deformed and have her performing in the circus. The fact is, these human-cartoon pornstar hybrids do not exist in the real world, and should make us feel terrible about the objectification of women, etc etc.

These are all the things I know to be true. Then, I look at those 34DDs, those marvels of modern science, bouncing and moving in such an entirely unnatural (yet so perfect) way, as though they are alive and quietly whispering the secrets of the universe into my ear, and I have to buy yet another new keyboard. The shame.

For bonus points, why not consider listening to N.W.A.’s classic, “Fuck the Police” while you watch this clip? Urban rage and pornography go great together. [Megarotic]

In this scene from Pimped by an Angel, Briana Banks gets a little wake-up call from that dude from the “Ascension of Man” evolution diagram you see in museums. I swear to god, you could store a walnut in that dudes butt-chin, if, of course, you were short on walnut storage. Briana does do her patented upside-down choking blowjob in this scene, though, which we find both compelling and frightening. Sorry you have to look at Evan Stone. [SpankWire]